Gratitude and Objectivity

We have all heard variations of what gratitude does for you, right?! Maybe you have heard things such as, ”gratitude is what creates abundance in your life,” but then were left wondering, “what is gratitude exactly?, how does it create ‘abundance’?, how can I feel gratitude when life feels like it is falling down around me?, or how does having gratitude change my life?” Then you are handed a notebook and told to keep a gratitude journal, basically so you have something tangible and don’t feel completely empty-handed.

I cannot tell you how many self-help books and coaches I have worked with over the years to improve my business and my personal life, only to be left with an empty journal and A LOT of questions.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I was seeking for the “key” to fix all my problems as if me and my life were a project to be ‘fixed.’ I was trying to fix: my finances, my health, and more. I was doing all the “right things,” but it was simply that – a lot of the appearance of DOING. I was spinning my wheels but because my wheels were spinning I had the perception that I was making progress and could convince myself that “I was making an effort towards my goals, towards ‘fixing’ me; however, I was left thinking, “I just may be one of those people it takes a lot longer to happen for or maybe I am one of those people that is suppose to suffer  - a life of abundant finances, happiness, freedom, peace, and health was not for me, but for others.” I convinced myself of this to not feel like a failure within my own life – failure from my perspective because it is not as if anyone around me knew my internal struggles and to the depths to which the roots of my own internal mind-obstacles grew.

One day, almost five years ago, I started a practice that was quite helpful. I heard about it from a well-known Emotional Freedom Technique expert, so I thought “it seems to be working for her, I’ll try it.” This practice was great, it brought a lot of awareness to my thoughts. It really made me realize how much I am prone to go to the ‘negative’ thought and assume the worst case scenario. BUT as much awareness as I developed with this practice, it still was not the “key” as it DID NOT CHANGE my narrative (the story I told myself about me) or my behavioral patterns. I would feel great for the first part of my day after doing this practice, but as soon as something did not go as planned or a perceived ‘wrong-turn’ in my day, well back down the rabbit hole of despair and negative self-talk I would go again – repeating a lifelong cycle.

This way of being only created more doubt and fears in my life. I doubted anything would ever work out for me. I was hesitant to ever get my hopes up when something sounded promising (ie: the latest diet, a relationship, or a job opportunity) out of fear it would not pan out. 

My goodness what was I doing to myself?! This cycle was pure madness. If you are being honest, you would agree my repeating this cycle is madness, so here is the, hmmm, challenging part that I am going to ask you to do to – BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Don’t worry nobody will know but you, so decide which you want: benefit from a reality change or continue to live in the madness. 

Ask yourself:

• ”What cycles am I repeating?”

• “How am I benefiting from not changing my narrative (my story) patterns?”

• “How tired am I of my life coming back around to the same ‘ol bullshit with maybe a slightly different face on it?”

• “How long am I willing to keep up the illusion that I am DOING something (ie. seeing all the right medical experts, therapy, exercising, saving money, etc) and not getting anywhere, especially not where I want to be?” This is not to say these things do not have their place but I invite you to take an objective perspective with them and see where you use them to say “I’m doing something about XYZ,” rather than BEING the change and using those as tools to add to what you are BEING.

These are all things I had to look at, I had to be RADICALLY HONEST with myself and say, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.” I hate that I had to get to the point of being tired of ‘looking like’ I was making progress but knowing deep within myself nothing was changing. I wanted REAL change and I wanted it NOW.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I have so much GRATITUDE for the lessons I have learned throughout my life, the people who have reflected to me aspects of myself I may not have looked at before, and so much more. Gratitude is appreciation for what is right in front of you, so it is a great start and something to always be mindful of; however, gratitude is a great tool in a toolbox of many tools so gratitude alone will not make the changes you seek.

True change will require you to be COMPLETELY and UNEQUIVICALLY OBJECTIVE on your reality – on YOU, YOUR LIFE.

Is that something you are willing to do? If not, then you can stop reading now and go back to your ‘doing.’ I say this with a lot of compassion and understanding because you will need to choose this next part when you are ready. Your heart will inform you so listen to its whispers in the noise of life.

Now if are still here…let’s get into this. Go read: "Objectivity: "Truth In Pulling Stakes"